Last week, I found myself amidst an intimate group of brilliant folks (ahem The Light Meetup), talking about frustration when things in the kitchen go awry.

I'm talking dishes piling in the sink as your blood boils.

Your partner's "ridiculous" reaction to a messy countertop.

All of us could relate.

And when it comes to these daily kitchen misdemeanors, we fell into two camps:

The peacekeeper​
Tends to placate or walk on eggshells when a partner's feathers are ruffled.

Like when they sternly say “The dirty countertop is driving me crazy.” The peacekeeper mumbles under their breathe as they do whatever they can to ease the mood. Even when the way their partner is acting upsets them.

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​The martyr

Has trouble asking for help. Then feels bitter because their partners aren't doing what they need to feel supported.

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Admittedly, I've found myself in both camps, suffering silently.

It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't feeling.

**

But I've found another way:

1. Acknowledge blood boiling. I don’t stuff it away.
2. Stop. If I need to leave the room, fine.
3. Feel what I need to feel. Let it flow.
4. Ask myself: “How can I ask for what I need in this situation?” or “What would good look like here?”
5. Once emotions subside naturally, and you feel you can speak calmly, share something along the lines of this script:

“I feel X [sad, ignored, angry, frustrated, hopeless, etc.]. It would be incredible in this situation if you could do X [insert what you want to hear] when Y [insert pattern scenario].

In short: Pause. Regulate. Ask for what you need.

**

No blaming. No stories.

Just the potency of your true needs. Your vision for what could be.

This shifts everything, Reader

Let me know how it goes.

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Love,
C

P.S. If you want to go deeper with me, I've updated our ways to work together. XX

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