Hey there love,
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I'm a "no" person. And I'm not sorry about it :)

Still, last week I listened to the wrong voice in my head. The one that said “I should.”

This is a sticky subject for many of us who are used to doing things out of a sense of obligation.
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That’s very much a part of our culture, Reader

But I’ve gotten too good at listening to the right cues in my body to stick with any “shoulds” for that long.

When we perform activities out of a sense of obligation — or fear of upsetting people — it’s actually self-sabotage in disguise.

Woosh. This was a big one for me to learn and it’s been very transformational.

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Let me break this down for you.
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I said yes to a speaking engagement because I wanted to “thank” a person who had helped me out in the past. This was a transactional “yes” through and through.

But as I sat with the commitment, it felt very uncomfortable in my body: gnawing gut feeling, drained energy thinking about it, mind working overtime to rationalize.

There was even a voice in my head that said “come on, just do it." [Basically a "suck it up" energy]

Thank goodness I’ve learned to identify all of these as signs I’m out of alignment.

[In my program you will learn why any decision making processes that begins with “I should” needs to be a “no” or needs to be reframed.]

My job is to work towards a life wherein I get to spend as much of my energy as possible on things that light me up.

Yah, I know. We didn't learn this in school!

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So last night I wrote an email from a place of so much calm and centeredness. Telling this woman who I respect so much that I couldn’t make the obligation work.

And holy shit. Afterwards I felt so much lighter. Less constricted. Because now there's more space for me.

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I'll leave you with this:
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Are there certain choices or obligations hanging over your head right now?

What would open up for you, if you could assuredly draw a line in the sand and say “this isn’t going to work for me.”

No need for explanation. No need for apology.

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Carolyn

P.S. What I've described here is a nuanced process of tuning into intuition, your human design, your inner personas, boundary setting, and self-love. This is the exact process I'll be guiding an intimate group of women through within my next Begin Again cohort later this year.

​Smash right into this link to apply.​

P.P.S. Saying “no” to the right things is so freeing. And when you are firmly grounded in your “no,” with love, in my experience, the recipient usually doesn’t take it personally. I normally get a “no problem!” and we all move on. That said, detaching from the outcome is key. XX

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