"You’ve always been really happy"

Over the phone, My mom recently reminded me of this.

And I think it’s true.

But layers and layers beneath the happy there’s always been something else.

A sadness, tinged with confusion, because certain real parts of me weren't okay to show to the outside world.

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Like the part that was loudly excited about Christmas gifts at a family party and was told to shush. Because this was embarrassing for my parents. I learned that my exuberance could hurt people.

...the part that wanted to wear a flowy, lacy shirt as a teenager and was made fun of for it by my dad. I learned that I'd be shamed for the ways of expression that felt authentic to me.

...the part that wanted to explore unusual thoughts with my parents, but was shut down. Because they lived in a black and white world and anything outside of that scared them. I learned to keep my ideas to myself.

~~

I conformed. Self-abandoned. Without even realizing that's what I was doing.

We all do this to some degree — because of the inhuman culture we are a part of.

And if you saw my family from the outside, you'd see a great one. My parents gave me a lot of support and love, in the way that they could, despite the programming.

~~

But these programs do live on into adulthood.

There's an interior me, and there's a version that I present to the outside world. This goes for all of us.

What I've seen time and time again with myself and my clients is this: The more we can let those interior thoughts, dreams, desires, wonderings, and longings up for some air time, the more joyful, passionate and alive we become.

The more closely aligned our interior world and external actions, the better off we are. (And if you're like I was, you might have very little connection to that interior world.)

This is the trip of a lifetime, for sure. One that my Begin Again program supports with a beautiful, three-step journey of visioning, growth, boundaries, and more.

If it's calling you, book a conversation with me by emailing carolyn@carolynwarsham.com.

Can't wait to hear what's going on in your world :)

XO

Carolyn

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